Wednesday, September 14, 2005

六月 till now

卸下了hi-liter acting producer的工作,肩頭終於鬆了一點,心情也好了一點。
回顧過去的一個暑假,做了一大堆,真正覺得做得好的沒有幾樣。心情好的日子,也沒有幾天。
六月開始新工作,一個星期上班五天,天天也緊張得要死,怕有突發,怕稿譯得不好,怕問錯stupid questions,怕返帶返唔切,又怕聲線用錯唔夠氣,反正每天就是在神經極度繃緊的狀況下過活。
雖然這麼說,但我還是喜歡這份工作的,也許經歷適應期,就是這麼一回事吧。
在這段期間我其實需要有好好休息,讓身心有好好放鬆的時間,耐何我又唔識死,答應做Hi-Liter的acting producer,連僅餘的精神和時間也全數送上,簡直係送死。
說實在的,不多不少也有點後悔。工作量太重,責任太大,結果壓力缺堤,為自己,為其他人,也帶來難以彌補的傷害。其實應該恨心D,今次當係學個教訓,下次就識得say no.
其中一個導至我心情差(仲發癲鬧阿Jan fans!)的原因,是我發覺自己根本不能兼顧所有事情,顧此失彼,為了工作和hi-liter的事奉,逼不得已下放棄了很多跟朋友,家人,男友相處的時間,換來是失望和投訴。就這樣,每天照鏡看見不是一個好女兒/好家姐/好女友的自己,這樣的事實叫我越來越討厭自己。

其實心情一直未好過,只是比之前好了一點點,因為我知道,終於有機會補返少少,而家陪返佢地多D,希望可以挽救返少少自信。

然後發現,自信竟然要靠這種方法去挽救,實在卑鄙。

4 comments:

tsuntsun said...

vivien, I totally understand that you're stressed out, thanks so much for your input during the summer. I have learnt invaluable experiences from you. And you know what? I was reading the second last phrase and was thinking something, then I read your last phrase, I was thinking similar thing as you did--why do you have to pick up your self-confidence from there? I had a great laugh. However, I agree that it is not easy for us,girls with great character and tight schedules, to perform well in all our roles. Just so you know, God knows that you're trying your best. Keep it up! Now you can have some rest la ! Cuz Deakin is coming back! Take care, my bud!

Amanda said...

.. 無人鐘意D女仔無自信..>.<'' but it's hard to know where you can find true confidence.

Anyways, go to my xanga.. hopefully you'll smile? =) After I did the post, the rest of them copied me.. hahaha..
I just really want to thank you for being you. I'm so proud to say, when I hear your voice on the radio, "That's Vivien! My friend/mentor/coordinator/leader!!"

suzanne said...

viv, 有無發現人越大,越會覺得「關係」的重要,特別是和家人及伴侶之間的關係。其實我想你並不是因多陪伴家人和莫國王而可“挽救自信”,我個人認為這是因為除了主耶穌以外,家人和情人也是另一種的「可安歇的水邊」,他們的愛與包容使我們能好好休息和面對自己,不用再像在外(如工作或hi-liter)時那樣緊張和拼命,甚至有時要裝強去應付。所以嘛,我覺得你可以的話就停下來,好好在這世上的「可安歇的水邊」享受享受一下吧。

suzanne said...

when will you come back to hk??? rmbr to call me ah!!!